Colorado Chronicles : Caught

Damn, that's a purty picture. I envision the hungry trout in that pond voraciously gorging on as many insects in the wrong place at the wrong time, that is from the insects' point of view, as they possibly can - instinctively knowing that winter is coming soon to the top of the Rockies. Fall, to me, is the best time of year to trek off into the upper reaches of the mountains and be mesmorized by spell that Mother Nature has cast upon the High Country. The weather, barring any sudden storms barreling over the Continental Divide, is perfect for taking a nice long hike to the tree line (usually about 10,000 feet), locating a creek that began as a small, steady drip from the permafrost above, hugging that creek bank as it meanders down the mountainside,  fishin' my ass off for several hours and several thousand vertical feet. I tend to go to the remote fishin' spots where the likelihood of seeing another human is, well, remote. Then God and I have a visit about stuff and the sounds of the alpine wilderness speak to my soul, as if He has commanded them to do so especially for me, a goofy fisherman. As Crocodile Dundee said, "Yep. Me and God, we be mates". When I am fishin', I am the hunter, tempting the fish to accept the bounty of my offering, while in my thoughts the words "teach a man to fish..." reverberate, like an echo in the canyon that lays before me. Then it hits me. I ain't so smart after all, for I am the one who has accepted the bounty of an offering. The offering that is the place where I am. Hooked like a hungry trout who at the moment of capture realizes that he's been caught. I, too, have been "caught". Lured by something so tempting that refusal is not an option. I have been "caught" by the Greatest Fisherman of All. God. The Fisher of Man. Yep. Me and God, we be mates -and Fishin' Buddies.

Maine Minutiae : Fall Approacheth, But the Heat is Hereth

Coming to a New England State Near You*

The family and I ran some errands this past weekend and I observed two things : 1) Some trees are already going from the greens of summer to the red to yellow to dead of the oncoming winter and 2) I can't take my little girls out in public without the urge to drop them off and leave them with the WalMart greeter. But! The WalMart greeters have done nothing wrong to me and they are, generally speaking, old enough to remember when McDonalds signs said "Over 3 Served". I would never inflict that kind of misery upon an old person, as I am nearing old personhood myself. I shall suffer in silence. :) Today is Augusta 30 and we are about to experience probably the longest stretch of "summer" that we've had this year in Augusta, Maine. Temps are going to "soar" to (Note to Texans: No laughing at what you are about to read) the low 90's! The average high temperature for this date is 76 degrees, the normal low, 55. As you can guess, many Mainers are torn between packing up their summer wardrobes and cursing this late summer heat wave. The Mainers I have come across lately are leaning towards the use of, as Mr. Spock says, "colorful metaphors". All I know is that some of the language I've heard lately regarding the hot weather would make Gordon Ramsey blush. And that's just from the women! At any rate, fall is on the way to New England, soon to be followed by you-know-what. I dare not say the word. I guess it's time to do some serious "quality control" on the local lakes, rivers, creeks and ponds. Fish.%$#@(&^.Fear.Me. Sorry, I picked up that "colorful metaphor" from the little old lady across the way. She is not, however, a WalMart greeter. And I really don't like her anyway. Hey, lady, want some kids?

*Photo from DownEast.com

Texas Tidbits : Are You Ready? NFL Edition

Here It Comes !*

Are you ready for some footbaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllll?  (in my best Howard Cosell voice) "There's only eleven days until the kickoff of the two... thousand ten... season of  the...National....Football....League!" Yup, it's that time of year when we fondly remember our summer vacations, curse the Dog Days of August, lament the annual rite that is the Texas Rangers as cellar-dwelling has beens in the American League West....Wait!...The Rangers are in first place with a comfortable lead over Oakland? Pardon me a minute while I   have "The Big One" a la Fred G. Sanford. (time passes) The kind folks at the Maine General ER, Red Sox fans all (eat the Rangers' dust Sawx fans everywhere!), said that I had a case of "What-the-hell-are-the-Rangers-doing in-1st-place-going into-September-itis" and "It's-football-season-atosis", a very rare disorder - rare simply because the Rangers are in first place heading into September. They told me to take one season opener and call them next week. Speaking of season openers...(they don't call me the Swami of Segue for nothing) The season kicks off on Thursday, September 9, with the Super Bowl Champion New Orleans Saints (I already had a Big One for that) hosting (insert more Howard Cosell voice here) "Numba Fo-wa, "The Brilliant One" from Kiln, Mississippi, Brett Fahve and the Vikings of Minnesota at the Supah Dome in the Hurricane Katrina-ravaged Big Easy, New...Or...leans...Louisiana!" The Saints are currently at 10-1 odds to win the Super Bowl again, according to the Las Vegas Hilton. Minnesota, along with Dallas and my team, Green Bay, are listed at 12-1, while Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts sit at 6-1. We'll see how all that prognostication holds up throughout the season, say late November or so. The Dallas Cowboys open on the road in D.C. against their hated rivals, the Redskins, on the 12th and that game will be in prime time on NBC. Here's the entire regular season schedule from NFL.com . The crisp autumn air is slowly but surely making it's way southward and not soon enough for me because I am ready for some footbaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllllll !

Photo from fanpop.com

Teach a Man to Fish...

Outdoor Church

If Heaven ain't a lot like Caddo Lake, I don't wanna go (paraphrasing Hank Williams, Jr). Although I am half-a-world away from Caddo, here in Maine there's some good fishin', too, just a different type of fishin'. Back home in Texas, I'd be slayin' bass, crappie and catfish. Up  here, it's mostly trout, but there's some pretty good panfishin' and some excellent smallmouth bass opportunities, as well. I didn't get to go fishin' yesterday. I am, however, holding out hope for chance to decimate a local river,creek and/or lake today. Fish.Fear.Me. Point is, I am gonna take the day off . I'll be back Monday. I hope Sunday treats you all well. Stay safe.
Your Sunday "Plus One" Bonus :

• 
  Plus One : Pennsylvania
• Plus One : Louisiana 
• Plus One : Virginia 

Be sure to go through our archives to discover something new about America in every post. Use the "search box" in he upper right hand corner of each page. That's just the way we roll.

Best of Three States Plus One Weekend!

Here Fishy Fishy!

I am gonna take the weekend off. We have some great end of summer (for Maine) weather in store, so I am thinking about doing some fishing, that is if Arthur Effin Itis will allow me to. I hate that guy. He's literally a pain. :) I will not, however, leave you without your minimum daily requirement of my brilliant, insightful, award-worthy observations and musings incoherent ramblings. I have selected some of the most-read (I would say most popular, but that would be stretching it) posts from our archives. It's been a while since each one was posted, so if you're like me, old,decrepit and memory-challenged, it'll be like reading it for the very first time! The archives are loaded with other Shakespeare-esque second grade writing level articles that are easily found by using the "search box" in the top right-hand corner of each page. Make it a great weekend, amigos and remember : you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose. Unless he's a real close friend. 

Your Weekend Reading List :

• Texas Tidbits : Texas Freshwater Fisheries Center
• Maine Minutiae : The Greatest Mountain 
• Colorado Chronicles : The Ancient Ones 

 As always, if you have a suggestion for a post or idea to make this blog better, please let me know in the comment section of each post or email me at threestatesplusone AT gmail DOT com. Vaya con Dios y adios, amigos!

Maine Minutiae : It's Against the Law to....What?

In a Representative Republic such as the United States (we are not a democracy!), it is necessary, by definition, to have laws that dictate certain moral and societal norms to its citizens. For instance, you can't commit a brazen act of homicide without legal justification, i.e., self-defense. I'm a small
government kind of guy so, in my opinion, murder laws and precious few others are all the laws we need. I  am not here today to argue conservative vs. liberal, because I think that the dumbass laws listed below, we can all agree are real dumbass laws. And these are just the ones on the books in Maine! I am not sure if it's sad or just plain stupid to have these statutes on in our penal code. You decide.

Did you know that :

•  Right here in Augusta, as I sit at my desk writing this brilliant tome, it's against the law for me to walk through Downtown Augusta playing a fiddle? My dreams of being the next Charlie Daniels are shot to hell. Thanks, you dipsticks.
• In Biddeford, it's illegal to skateboard on the sidewalk and gamble at the airport. I'm sure that Vegas was nearly catatonic because the airport in Biddeford, Maine(!) was set to become the next gaming mecca in the US.
• Making plans to visit Freeport? See that you rent a first story hotel room because it's against a much-needed City Ordinance to spit out of a second story window. What about a third story window, nimrods?
• South Berwick must have something against local law enforcement. Why? It's against South Berwick law to park in front of Dunkin Donuts! My suggestion to SB cops is this: next time one of your town's governing geniuses needs you to chase away a burglar or assist them with some other civil complaint, tell those idiots you ain't gonna do it until they pony up the damn Dunkin Donuts! Just hide and watch how quick this cop-hating law gets disappeared.
• Here's a real doozy. Maine State Law compels you to take a shotgun to Church in case of an Indian attack. I got a question about this one, too. What if you attend an Indian Church? Is the shotgun obligatory or do you have to have a tomahawk in case of a white guy attack? Dumbasses.
• Portland, the biggest, and arguably most "enlightened" city in this state, prohibits anyone from tickling a girl under the chin with a feather duster. I guess a small paintbrush under a girl's chin is out of the question. Weenies.

• Just up I-95 from me, in Waterville, it's a big no-no to pick your nose  in public. Next thing ya know, you won't be able to scratch your ass in public there either. Frakkin killjoys! 

This tyranny must stop now! And I mean now! Yesterday! It's up to you, Mr. and Mrs. America! These power-hungry commies will stop at nothing to gain control over your life! Kick the bastards out of office! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to pick my nose.......and scratch my ass......but not in Waterville.

Texas Tidbits : Willie Asked Me to Do a Duet! Really.

The Red Headed Stranger

James Ott said to me in the comments of my post on Buddy Holly yesterday, " Just think what this country would be like without Texas. A ship without a rudder or engine!!!" James hit the proverbial nail on the head with that statement. We'd also be without one of the greatest recording artists, and I do mean artist, singer-songwriters, humanitarian and all around cool dude - Willie Hugh Nelson.  As I have mentioned in previous posts, I had the good fortune of spending some time with Willie after one of his shows in Wichita Falls about 30 years ago. It was a dark and stormy night...I mean, it was raining like hell that night as Willie and I led his band members to his bus for the interview. I was the first one on the bus, followed by Willie, who was followed by his lead guitar player, Jody Payne. As I stepped onto the the bus, Willie not so subtly asked, "Hey, Toby. You got a joint?" I wasn't exactly stunned. I replied, "No, Willie, I wish I did". No sooner had I answered Willie's question when Jody stepped on board and stated, "Don't worry, I got one". Hilarity and an interview ensued. When I asked Willie why he did so many duets, he told me that he just loved to sing, then he promptly invited me to record a duet with him! Funny thing is, I think he was dead serious. Or stoned. Or both. At the conclusion of our little pow wow, while saying our adios's, Willie gifted to me the leftovers of a partially smoked "tamale". This laid back guy is as real in person as he is on TV or in a movie. This is Willie Nelson for cryin' out loud. Willie wasn't always a superstar. He struggled for twenty years as a singer/songwriter in order to become an "overnight sensation". Willie has written some of the best-known country music classics ever : Hello Walls (Faron Young), Crazy (Patsy Cline), Funny How Time Slips Away (Billy Walker), Pretty Paper (Roy Orbison), Always On My Mind (Elvis & many others) Night Life (Ray Price), etc.,etc.,etc. The Red Headed Stranger is one of the most critically acclaimed albums in the history of music, period. Willie has sung with many country music legends including, Merle Haggard, George Jones, Hank Williams, Jr., Ray Price and his brother from another mother, Waylon. Besides being a prolific singer/songwriter, Willie has been in several feature films - The Electric Horseman, Barbarosa, Honeysuckle Rose and The Dukes of Hazzard. How many people do you know that would bail you out of a $16million debt to the I.R.S.? Of their own free will, without being asked? That's what friends of Willie did for him back in the 80's. I have a feeling that these folks knew that Willie would have done exactly the same thing for each and every one of them, if the need arose. There's enough material on Willie that I could write a book about it, so I'm sure I left plenty out of this short post. If you've got a Willie story, please share it in the comments. Now, Willie, about that duet.....