Saturday, January 8, 2011

How Not to Rob a House

All I Took Was One Lousy Cookie!
We've made it to another weekend and that can mean only one thing! I have no idea what that "one thing" is, but the weekend always means "one thing". Or so I am told. You figure it out and let me know, will ya? I would like to dedicate this post to my friends in Tyler. It sounds just like something one of you would do, especially Ted. Ted is a madman. But he is our madman. I immediately thought of my buddy Ted when I saw this article about a guy practicing his God-given right to break into someone else's home while they are away. An alert neighbor called the heat when he witnessed a man, let's call him "Ted", kick in the front door to his neighbor's house. It couldn't have been the neighbor kicking in his own door while on his weekly tequila-a-thon, the neighbor was having his weekly tequila-a-thon somewhere else and wasn't at home. Besides, it was 3:30AM when this took place so the tequila-a-thon guy would have been passed out by now. Therefore, the alert neighbor knew something was rotten in Denmark. A few minutes later the fuzz arrived, cautiously entered the residence in question, Clint Eastwood cop guns at the ready and quickly spotted the the bathtub! I now know that the bad guy isn't my friend Ted because Ted doesn't bathe. But I digress. Let's see, where was I...oh,yeah, the cops enter the house and find the burglar in the bath tub. I've heard of making a clean get away, but gee-moe-netti! The bad guy has to be from Oklahoma or something. Texas burglars are way too smart to get caught because they wanted to take a bath, passed out dead ass drunk maybe, but never to take a damn bath. Needless to say, the suspect was arrested and is now a guest of the Smith County Sheriff's Department, where he gets only one bath per week and is very careful to maintain a tight grip on the soap.

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