Thursday, September 9, 2010

Colorado Chronicles : A Modern Day Robin Hood

Robin Hood of Dumbass Forest
According to legend, Robin Hood of Sherwood Forest, was trying to rectify the disparity of economic circumstances  by taking from the rich and giving to the poor. Where I come from, he's a thief and that needs to be rectified by throwing his ass in the slammer for about ten years, where he could discover the disparity between being a free man and a prison bitch. But, that's just the way I roll. Anyway, a guy in Denver actually named Robin Joshua Hood, was caught shoplifting, and now he's rectifying the disparity between dumbasses free to be dumbasses and dumbasses in prison. On top of being a thief, Hood stole another man's ID and used the victim's name to avoid incarceration on a warrant out of Denver for,, drug violations! Not only is Hood a shoplifter and ID thief, he's a dumbass with a drug habit! Hood was busted for shoplifting three baseball caps totaling about $45. Security personnel at Independent Records detained Hood when they caught him swiping the caps. The Denver Police were called and when Hood was searched by the cops, he was in possession of some hypodermic needles he freely confessed to using them for heroin! Let's recount some stuff here - Robin Joshua Hood is an ID thief, shoplifter, heroin user and a wanted man. That's a Criminal's Trifecta Plus One! What a guy! It's just a guess, but I'm thinking that the name "Robin" does not exactly cast fear into the hearts and minds of your average prison inmate. Some prisoners might find such a moniker "sexy" and will wanna play a game of "hide and seek" in "Sherwood Forest", if you know what I mean and I think you do. So, Robin, enjoy your stay in the Crossbar Hilton, I hope you make lots of friends in your new environs. One piece of advice before I go, Robin. Maintain a firm grip on the soap, old boy.

Maine Minutiae : Ghost Hunting at Wood Island

Haunted? Wood Island Lighthouse c.1858*
With Halloween only weeks away, I thought I'd get a jump on posting some spooky stuff. Like they say, the early bat gets the blood. Or something like that. A ghostly story that has been around for more than a century continues to haunt the residents of Wood Island , Maine. This tale begins in 1896 with a murder-suicide near the lighthouse at Wood Island where a drunk lobster fisherman (imagine that! a drunk fisherman!) , Howard Hobbs, and a buddy (also a drunk) were renting a chicken coop from one Frederick Milliken, who just happened to be a part-time Sheriff at Wood Island. After a night on the mainland getting FUBAR'ed Milliken invited the two drunks to his home to discuss some overdue rent on the chicken coop. Hobbs took a rifle to the meeting and you can guess, nothing good was gonna come from that. Hobbs shot and killed Milliken and then ran to the nearby lighthouse where he proceeded to blow his own brians out. But! The story does not end there. It is said that ghosts, presumably Milliken and Hobbs, haunt the lighthouse to this very day. As a matter of fact, one lighthouse keeper was so distraught by the hauntings, that he, too, commited hari kari. has the story in great detail. It's pretty spooky. It may appear that I am running this story a bit early, but I am doing so for a reason, pumpkin breath. This weekend, Saturday and Sunday, the 11th and 12th, there is going to be a ghost hunt at the lighthouse! At night! With a professional paranormal -ghost hunter guy! You can get the scary scoop at Strange Maine. Now that would be a riot to attend. I'll keep my eyes open for any subsequent news about the big ghost hunting extravaganza and will pass it on as I get it. Happy hunting, y'all.

*Photo from

Texas Tidbits : That's One B.F.R.

You know when you're on a road trip and on the way to your destination, you see an interesting road sign or billboard that says something like : "Visit Podunk, Home of Podunkin Donuts"? I have seen a million of those signs and have always said, "Next time I come through here, I am gonna visit Podunk and have me some Podunkin Donuts". Inevitably, you go past the same sign months later and vow to visit Podunk for some Podunkin Donuts. But you never do. Then 35 years down the road, you still haven't visited Podunk for some Podunkin Donuts, but by now you are over 2000 miles away in a foreign land - like Maine. The next best thing to do at this point is to remind those who are near enough to Podunk, to visit Podunk and try some Podunkin Donuts. That is my task today. Except it isn't exactly Podunk I am talking about, it's Enchanted Rock State Natural Area. If you substitute "Enchanted Rock State Natural Area" for "Podunk" above, you'll see what I'm talking about here. I have passed signs that extol the virtues of ERSNA a gazillion times and have never followed them. I am a dumbass - a dumbass that sits over 2000 miles from Enchanted Rock, with little prospect of seeing it soon. Enchanted Rock is located near Fredericksburg in the Hill Country. ER is an outcrop of pink granite that sits in the center of a never-erupted volcano and rises 425 above the surrounding terrain and covers about 640 acres. That's a B.F.R. (big frakkin rock)! In the photo above, Enchanted Rock doesn't look that big , but look at this picture and you'll see the enormity of this magnificent monadnock. The Comanche, Apache and Tonkawa tribes that once inhabited the area around the rock believed it possessed mystical and magical powers. Today, Enchanted Rock State Natural Area is a mecca for rock climbers and hikers from all over the place. Take a peek at this page of short videos to learn and see more of ERSNA. I could kick myself in the butt for not stopping at least once to absorb the majesty that the Indians of hundreds of years ago saw in Enchanted Rock. The next time you are headed down I-35 and see the sign that invites you to visit Enchanted Rock State Natural Area, do it! Don't pass it by or you could end up a never-have-seen-Enchanted-Rock dumbass like me.Or you could end up in Podunk and Podunkin Donuts will be closed. Damn the bad luck.

*Photo from kelliann75 on Photobucket.

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