Re-visiting a Nightmare

I chose to repost this particular article because the Time of Doom draws nigh once again. The Annual Visit With My Mother-in-Law. I have to get myself mentally prepared for this "event". This story recounts an old visit with the battle Axe and I'll have a new episode when the next visit is unavoidable gets closer to reality.

A couple of days ago I wrote about impending doom a much overdue visit from my Mother-in-Law. As it turns out, there is a God!!!!, she had to postpone her trip by the Grace of The Almighty  due to car trouble. This turn of events caused  me to do cartwheels my wife great sadness and despair. I thought I was safe from all that is evil and wrong with the world. I.Was.Wrong. My weekend of sloth and gluttony has turned into The Weekend From Hell. I know you married guys are wondering, "How could a nice weekend of sloth and gluttony turn into a weekend from hell, when your Mother-in-Law is 200 miles away having car trouble and can't come to torture and degrade you visit?" Let me 'splain. Although I'm happier than a stoned fat kid at a McDonald's all you can eat buffet saddened my M-I-L can't make it, a fate worse than paying alimony to an ex-wife that married a plastic surgeon has befallen me. I.Have.To.Go.Back.To.School.Shopping.! But wait! There's more! I am (or should be) committed... to attend a baby shower! Don't get me wrong, as a father of four (ages 3-31, God help me), I love kids, I really do (especially with a little salt and mustard....rimshot). But, less than a month before my 54th birthday, I thought my days of going to baby showers were over! At least until my own daughters had babies. But my wife threatened me with unspeakable acts of violence asked me nicely to go, so I said OK. Upon further review, I never thought I'd miss my Mother-in-Law, but I do. Go figure. Anyway...posting will be sporadic, at best, today for the previously mentioned reasons. Rummage through the archives because there's lots of stuff in there and I'm sure you'll find something that'll make you say to yourself, "That's 10 minutes of my life I'll never get back". But it's Friday, what a better way to kill time at work than to read some worthless drivel potential Pulitzer Prize-winning social commentary? Here are a few of my popular posts from the recent past:

•  Texas Tidbits : Fort Worth - Ah Luv Yew
• Plus One :Tennessee - The Volunteer State 
• Maine Minutiae : Fat Guy Convention, Sardine Drop, Bingo & Ed McMahon
• Colorado Chronicles : Colorado Springs

Maine Minutiae: Coop Comes to Visit

Coop - My Newest Fishin' Buddy

I usually write a Texas Tidbits post before everything else, But Maine Minutiae takes precedence today because Coop is coming to see us!!! A quick refresher: Coop is my newest fishin' buddy from my wife's side of the family. He's two days shy of being a month old, so I figure he's ready for lessons on how to pitch a plastic worm on top of a lily pad. Since I don't have a lily pad to pitch to, we'll use a gimme cap. Easy money. Anyway, this will be the first time we've seen Coop since the day he was born and I'm looking forward to it, Heather is thrilled and Bailey the Three Year Old is going ape shit with anticipation.

I'm glad Coop gets to stay with us for a little while. Babies are kinda cool. They're a great audience for stupid faces and silly noises and it just so happens that I am a Master of Stupid Faces and Silly Noises. At least the Coop will be entertained while he's here. I'm searching through my memory bank for the most recent baby boy that I have spent more than a few minutes with. I guess that would to be my nephew Hoss. And Hoss is in his late 20's, so it's been a while. Otherwise, it's been a steady parade of baby girls in my family, including Bailey the Three Year Old. Since Coop is now here as a full fledged member of the male persuasion, I hope that I can teach the boy about bass fishin' and stuff like that. After all, Fish.Fear.Me. Technically, Coop is my cousin, but since I am 54 years old, I'll be like a third grandpa or something...maybe a crazy uncle kind of dude. It really doesn't matter to me, just as long as I can take the boy fishin' once in a while, all with be right with the world..

I just felt like sharing that with you today. As I get older, it seems that I like kids more and more. Don't get me wrong, I have always loved children and I have been the "crazy uncle-type"to dozens of kids over the years, but they are now all grown up and don't need a crazy Uncle Toby, so Coop got here just in time. :)

I gotta run, Coop will be here in a few minutes and I've got rig up a plastic worm on the Mickey Mouse Fishin' Pole. It's never too early to learn about fishin' and soon, Fish.Will.Fear.Coop. :)