Texas Tidbits : An Almost Clean Get Away

Ted?

We've made it to another Humpday and that can mean only one thing! I have no idea what that "one thing" is, but Humpday always means "one thing". Or so I am told. You figure it out and let me know, will ya? I would like to dedicate this post to my friends in Tyler. It sounds just like something one of you would do, especially Ted. Ted is a madman. But he is our madman. I immediately thought of my buddy Ted when I saw this article about a guy practicing his God-given right to break into someone else's home while they are away. An alert neighbor called the heat when he witnessed a man, let's call him "Ted", kick in the front door to his neighbor's house. It couldn't have been the neighbor kicking in his own door while on his weekly tequila-a-thon, the neighbor was having his weekly tequila-a-thon somewhere else and wasn't at home. Besides, it was 3:30AM when this took place so the tequila-a-thon guy would have been passed out by now. Therefore, the alert neighbor knew something was rotten in Denmark. A few minutes later the fuzz arrived, cautiously entered the residence in question, Clint Eastwood cop guns at the ready and quickly spotted the intruder....in the bathtub! I now know that the bad guy isn't my friend Ted because Ted doesn't bathe. But I digress. Let's see, where was I...oh,yeah, the cops enter the house and find the burglar in the bath tub. I've heard of making a clean get away, but gee-moe-netti! The bad guy has to be from Oklahoma or something. Texas burglars are way too smart to get caught because they wanted to take a bath, passed out dead ass drunk maybe, but never to take a damn bath. Needless to say, the suspect was arrested and is now a guest of the Smith County Sheriff's Department, where he gets only one bath per week and is very careful to maintain a tight grip on the soap.

Three States Extra! A Blog is Born

A Home for Dumbasses

I am very happy to announce to the world (or at least to you and the other guy who reads this stuff) that my newest failure to be blog, Dumbass News, makes its who gives a damn much-anticipated debut today! I have written something really lame an introduction post to that gives you the Cliff's Notes version of what the deal is. I'll have an honest-to-goodness Dumbass News story up later today that will that'll make your chin hit the floor when you read it, especially if you are married or are in a committed relationship. It's that stupid. I guarantee that you'll laugh, cry and wonder why the heck you clicked the link to the story, which is the purpose of the link anyway. I think it's only fair to warn you before you click over, that Dumbass News makes liberal use of "colorful metaphors" (cussin') and may not be safe for work or kids or those who are offended by such language. If I had to rate the site like they do movies, Dumbass News would be rated PG-13, R at worst. In my dumbass professional opinion, it's pretty damn funny, too. But then again, I wrote it and I'd lie like a cheap rug in order to get a few blog hits. Click on over and have a look and let me know what you think.If nothing else, we'll have a boatload of fun. I'll see you there!