Maine Minutiae:Gov. LePage to NAACP: 'Kiss my butt'; NAACP Cries Raaaaacist!

 The whole country is abuzz about the latest Governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie, as well it should be. Governor Christie is standing up to powerful political forces such as teachers' unions and is basically telling them to fuck off, to the delight of Conservatives, and it's driving the Liberals crazy, again much to the delight of Conservatives.

He Ain't Skeered

Here in Maine, we just elected a new Conservative Governor named Paul LePage. The good Gov is already pissing off the local Liberals with his actions and the guy has been in office less than two weeks! Go, Gov, go! Some Liberal women's group, The Squawking Hens Club or something, has its collective panties in a wad because Governor LePage has yet to name a woman to commissioner's position (I think that means a cabinet level job). There are fifteen such jobs and the first seven have been filled by men, which causes the women's group to squawk like a bunch of old hens. Nevermind the fact that the Governor has several women on his staff as advisors. The Squawking Hens' Club is already calling the Gov a misogynist. He told them in a polite way to kiss his ass, or go lay another egg or something like that. I like this guy! That's not, however, the reason for this post.

Now Governor LePage is a raaaaacist (!) There are always five "a's" in raaaaacist, by the way. He has done gone and made the NAACP mad! In less than two weeks after being sworn in, LePage has pissed off the Squawking Hens Club and the race baiters! How great is that? During a recent event in Sanford, Maine, the Governor said of the NAACP, "They are a special interest. End of story...and I'm not going to be held hostage by special interests. And if they want, they can look at my family picture. My son happens to be black, so they can do whatever they'd like about it," said LePage. LePage has an adopted son who is from Jamaica." LePage - 1  Liberal Colored People - 0. Governor LePage was asked a question about this matter. "When LePage was asked if his non-participation is more than one instance, and rather a pattern, he replied, "Tell 'em to kiss my butt. If they want to play the race card, come to dinner and my son will talk to them." This guy is great! During the recent campaign, LePage said that President Obama can go to hell. This, too, tweaked the Liberals pansy feelings.

The reason the Governor would be attending the NAACP event for MLK Day on Monday? He is attending the funeral of a Maine State Trooper who was killed in the line of duty. It must be a white cop, thus the raaaaacist canard. One more thing...as a private citizen LePage has given the Welcome Address to the NAACP on four occasions, most recently in 2008. I'm with the Governor on this one. The NAACP can kiss my ass.


(hat tip to wcsh6.com)

Texas Tidbits: The San Antonio Riverwalk (UPDATED with New Photos!) Scroll down

The Riverwalk

I have lived in some of the biggest cities in the United States - Houston, Dallas, Denver and Columbus, Ohio - and each of them has some thing or things that make it stand out in a crowd. Houston has the Astrodome and NASA, Dallas is home to the Cowboys, Denver is located just east of and has a great view of the Rockies and Columbus has The Ohio State University. While each of these cities are special in its own way, they come nowhere near my favorite big city in the US when it comes to history and cool stuff to do. My favorite big city? San Antonio, hands down.

I choose San Antonio for several reasons - the Alamo, the missions, its incredible history and the one thing that sets it apart from the others - The Riverwalk. Spending the day on one of the "cruise barges" sucking down some margaritas and soaking up the unique atmosphere and Mexican music of San Antonio is a damn fun thing to do. Eating at one of the riverside restaurants ain't too shabby either.

The Riverwalk has an interesting history, as well. According to TxTell.com, "In June 1929 a 27-year-old UT Architecture graduate named Robert H. Hugman outlined an alternate vision for the area, which combined romance and nostalgia with promotional good sense and anticipated the beautiful and evocative Riverwalk as we know it today. After almost 10 years of lobbying, speaking to civic groups, writing newspaper articles, and calling on community business leaders, Hugman's proposal was adopted and he was hired as the architect." the article goes on to say, "However, it wasn't until the 1960s that the design originally envisioned by Hugman reached its full potential. In preparation for San Antonio's HemisFair '68, another UT Architecture graduate, Cyrus Wagner, led the design effort, heading an American Institute of Architecture-sponsored team that created an updated vision for the Riverwalk, adding a lively concentration of shops, clubs, and cafes. Wagner's team garnered a national Progressive Architecture Design award for excellence in community architecture and established a national presence for the emerging Riverwalk." Click here to read the rest of the article.

I know many of my friends have been to San Antonio and took in The Riverwalk, but for those of you that haven't, click on the links throughout the post and you'll get a ton of information about what The Riverwalk has to offer you.

Thanks again, Rachel Rogers!

Revelers on the Riverwalk (photo from Rachel Rogers)

Texas Tidbits; Judge Roy Bean

The Law West of the Pecos

 Other than Jim Bowie, Davy Crockett, Sam Houston and a handful of other famous Texans, perhaps none is quite as famous (infamous?) than the man who was self-anointed as "The Law West of the Pecos" - Judge Roy Bean. When it comes to separating fact from fiction regarding Phantly Roy Bean, Jr. (1825-1903), the line is, put mildly, blurred. It is said that Judge Bean held court in his saloon and passed sentence on defendants by bellowing, "Hang 'em first, then try 'em". Smithsonian Magazine by way of JudgeRoyBean.com further informs us "By Gobs! There was nothing judicious about Judge Roy Bean "Doffing his saloon apron,  the grizzled barkeep dons a dirty alpaca coat,  sits himself down behind the bar, draws a pistol and bangs for silence using the butt as a gavel.   "Order, by Gobs!   This honorable court is now in session, and if any galoot wants a snort before we start, let him step up to the bar and name his pizen." The good judge had never seen the inside of a law school.  His only law book was the 1879 Revised Statutes of Texas.  But the self-styled "Law West of the Pecos" knew how to hold court. There, in his Jersey Lilly saloon in the minuscule West Texas town of Langtry, Roy Bean doled out drinks and his own brand of justice for more than 20 years." You. Can't. Make. This. Stuff. Up. For this tale of Law West of the Pecos-style "justice", we go to desertusa.com : "One of Bean's most outrageous rulings occurred when an Irishman was accused of killing a Chinese worker. Friends of the accused threatened to destroy the Jersey Lilly if he was found guilty. Court in session, Bean browsed through his law book, turning page after page, searching for another legal precedent. Finally, rapping his pistol on the bar, he proclaimed, "Gentlemen, I find the law very explicit on murdering your fellow man, but there's nothing here about killing a Chinaman. Case dismissed." They say justice is blind. Could it be that Judge Roy Bean was blind to justice? You decide. You don't need my help. Here's a good, one page bio of Judge Bean. Like George S Patton said about some Russian general, "He may be a son of a bitch, but he's our son f a bitch". Thus it is with the Law West of the Pecos.

UPDATE! I'm Still Kickin'

No Dancing for a While  :)

I apologize for not posting anything new since Saturday, but it looks like that may be the norm for the next couple of weeks, I am just not 100% sure. I still have the condition that necessitated my visit to the ER on Sunday morning and that particular malady is going to require surgery to correct. That surgery was supposed to take place tomorrow up in Fairfield (the small town where my Doctor has his practice). It's about a 25 mile one-way trip to his office, which is no biggie. However, we are gonna get a big blast of winter with about a foot of snow and 40 mph winds which will make travel on the Interstate a bit iffy, to say the least. Therefore, my surgery has been re-scheduled for next Wednesday. Lovely. Worse yet, the recovery time for this procedure is at least a week. Lovely again. I have some other health issues to deal with also with one of my concerns possibly being of a serious nature, but I remain positive about the situation, no matter the diagnosis. God ain't done with me yet, so I don't anticipate going anywhere.  :)  I know this all sounds like I am talking in code, but everything will be fine. I do ask that you please say a prayer for Heather, Issy and Bailey because they are the lucky ones who get to put up with me for the next few weeks.

I'll pop in and out as much as I can and maybe even put up a new post or two when I feel like I can. In the meantime, I invite you to look through the blog archives and take a second look at some of your favorite posts from the past seven months.

Thank you all for your support and concern. I am humbled.

Adios,
Toby

MEDICAL NOTE: I Ain't Kickin' the Bucket, I Just Feel Like I Am

It's 5:00AM, EST and I just got home from the Emergency Room due to a health problem I thought I was taken care of a couple of years ago, but there has been a recurrence of said issue. I won't be blogging today (I don't think) as the ER Doctor hooked me up with some heavy duty meds which will probably keep me out of touch with reality for most, if not all, of the day. We shall see what we shall see.

I ask you to please scroll down the page to the "Blog Archives" gadget in the sidebar and take a trip down Memory Lane with some posts from the last 7 months. I'll try to gain a grip on sobriety when I wake up later today and post an update or something.

The medication is starting to kick in, so I am gonna hit the hay for a while.

Adios,
Toby

Cross-posted at Dumbass News

How Not to Rob a House

All I Took Was One Lousy Cookie!

We've made it to another weekend and that can mean only one thing! I have no idea what that "one thing" is, but the weekend always means "one thing". Or so I am told. You figure it out and let me know, will ya? I would like to dedicate this post to my friends in Tyler. It sounds just like something one of you would do, especially Ted. Ted is a madman. But he is our madman. I immediately thought of my buddy Ted when I saw this article about a guy practicing his God-given right to break into someone else's home while they are away. An alert neighbor called the heat when he witnessed a man, let's call him "Ted", kick in the front door to his neighbor's house. It couldn't have been the neighbor kicking in his own door while on his weekly tequila-a-thon, the neighbor was having his weekly tequila-a-thon somewhere else and wasn't at home. Besides, it was 3:30AM when this took place so the tequila-a-thon guy would have been passed out by now. Therefore, the alert neighbor knew something was rotten in Denmark. A few minutes later the fuzz arrived, cautiously entered the residence in question, Clint Eastwood cop guns at the ready and quickly spotted the intruder....in the bathtub! I now know that the bad guy isn't my friend Ted because Ted doesn't bathe. But I digress. Let's see, where was I...oh,yeah, the cops enter the house and find the burglar in the bath tub. I've heard of making a clean get away, but gee-moe-netti! The bad guy has to be from Oklahoma or something. Texas burglars are way too smart to get caught because they wanted to take a bath, passed out dead ass drunk maybe, but never to take a damn bath. Needless to say, the suspect was arrested and is now a guest of the Smith County Sheriff's Department, where he gets only one bath per week and is very careful to maintain a tight grip on the soap.

Trojan Condoms Make Picking a College Easy!

No.1 Condom for "Enlightened" Universities

There is a sure-fire new criterium for choosing a college for your kids. Once I tell you about this amazing school-choosing tool, you'll quickly dismiss things such as graduation rates and curriculum as old fashioned and unnecessary. And to think, this new factor in determining an institution of higher learning for your kid (and your hard-earned money) has been right in front of you (pun intended, you'll see why in a second) The answer to this age old question is condoms! See? I told you the answer was right in front of you. But I digress. Those dumbass bastions of virtue at Trojan Condoms have, at great expense (and free samples, I'm sure), done a study that, with great fanfare, has ranked the thirteen colleges in the United States that are the most "sexually healthy" in the whole damn country! Now that's a study we can all get behind! Another pun! I am on a roll! I ain't makin' this stuff up. Here's a short paragraph directly from the article on parentdish.com: "Trojan. The condom giant just released its fifth annual Sexual Health Report Card, which looked at 141 colleges and ranked them according to the quality and accessibility of their sexual health resources. The report zeroes in on 12 categories ranging from contraceptive availability and STD testing to sexual assault programs, according to a news release. Each school was given a "GPA" based on its average in the areas, with 4.0, naturally, being the highest possible rating." I know I feel much better now that Trojan is on the ball.

I am going to present the rankings exactly as they appear in the Parent Dish article.You might need a stiff drink (another pun! hahahahaha) after reading this, so prepare yourself. I hate to copy and paste too much, but if I didn't, you'd think I was drunk or something. Here's what I mean: "Columbia University in New York City topped the honor roll with a 3.70, distinguishing itself with Go Ask Alice, a comprehensive website that allows students to submit questions anonymously. Current topics span the health scope: "Keeping the flow with a condom," "Numbing lube safety for anal sex" and "Quick and healthy bag lunches."

Michigan State was ranked second with a 3.61, followed by Ohio State University. Also making the honor roll: University of Michigan, 3.55; Brown University, 3.50; University of Iowa, 3.49; University of Oregon, 3.44; Princeton University, 3.41; Rutgers, 3,38; University of Minnesota, 3.37; Western Michigan University, 3.28; Cornell, 3.22; and Yale, 3.17." See? You would have thought I was hammered! I guess that all the fine Universities of the South must be sexually unhealthy. There's not one in the Top 13! Dumbass Rednecks! I am telling you people of the South to get busy with the cousin' humpin' You are losing out to a bunch of Yankees for Pete's sake! Oh, wait. Could it be that many colleges in the South are more conservative than their more "enlightened" (read : liberal) Northern brethren and sex before marriage is not something to be condoned? I mean, many places pass out free hypodermic needles to drug users and miraculously all intravenous drug use and the spread of aids have stopped! Oh, that's right they haven't. What a dumbass I am. I must admit that I am , by virtue of this study, more well-prepared to have a frank talk with my daughters about condom usage and "keeping the flow" as well as the use of 'numbing lube safety for anal sex". Abstinence, schmabstinence. Who needs to wait to be married to have sex? Use a condom and some ass-numbing lube and be sexually liberated! Excuse me while I go puke. Dumbasses.