Plus One : Special Funny Names Across America Edition

Breakfast City

A few weeks back I did a post on funny town names in Texas - names like Uncertain, Happy and Cut and Shoot. The reaction from you, the reader, was outstanding. Since I pledged in that article to do another version of funny town names in various states, I figured I'd go whole hog and find goofy town names from around the country. I Hope (Arkansas) you'll find this little screed not too Boring (Oregon) and I'll be a Happy Camp(er) (California). :)
Some towns have names that are quite inviting. There's Friendly, West Virginia - Happyland, Connecticut or Lovely, Kentucky. On the other hand, there's Embarrass, Wisconsin - Gripe, Arizona and Peculiar, Missouri. Many towns have names that conjure up an appetite - Bacon, Indiana - Chocolate Bayou, Texas or Hot Coffee, Mississippi. Places you may not care to have a meal are : Greasy, Oklahoma - Lickskillet, Ohio and Oniontown, Pennsylvania. Animals and some of God's other creatures are well-represented on the list of odd names found in the USA - Rabbit Shuffle, North Carolina - Horseheads, New York and Trout, Louisiana are a few of them. Some of our burgs around the country stand out for other reasons - Toad Suck, Arkansas - Monkey's Eyebrow, Kentucky and Goose Pimple Junction, Virginia come to mind. There are plenty more towns with attention-getting names across the country and you can find them where I did at infoplease.com. I'm sure there are a million names that could be added to this list, so if you know any, tell us about them in the comments! With that, I'll say Adios! (Texas) I just made that one up. :)

Texas Tidbits : The Tiniest Birds With the Biggest Appetite

Lunch Line

My doctor's appointment got pushed back to this afternoon, so let's get busy! I love the outdoors and all God's creatures that inhabit it - the four-legged kind, scaly ones, furry ones and feathered ones. I do my best to be a good steward of the environment. I am not a tree-hugger or some enviro-weenie, I just use a common sense approach to environmentalism. Don't needlessly damage what's around you, keep it clean and harvest what you need for your consumption. I am not against hunting or guns. Those two things are basic necessities for survival, whether it be self-defense or the need to put food on the table. Hunting within the rules and regulations set by your State is designed to give Mother Nature an assist in keeping the ecosystem in balance. For example, too many deer, and soon the food source is gone and eventually the deer will be gone too. Every single hunter I personally know follows the rules and understands the reasons for such regulation. Of course, as with any group, there are dumbasses who shatter the rules, but those are usually few and far between when it somes to outdoorsmen. I might add that when someone is caught breaking the rules and regs for hunting and fishing, the penalties are swift and severe. Just ask someone who was foolish enough to shoot the wrong deer or keep a fish that's too small. Game Wardens do not mess around when enforcing the rules. That's the way it should be. Our natural resources are too precious to waste. Period. End of story.
Moving on...one of my favorite species in the entire Animal Kingdom is one of Nature's smallest and most amazing creatures, the hummingbird. These tiny birds captured my heart when I was a young child. I remember being at the babysitter's house one day after school in first grade and watching the hummingbirds zip in and out around the feeder in a contolled chaos that simply mesmorized me. I sat there for hours on end observing something so fascinating, that nearly fifty years later, I can replay that scene in my mind like I saw it ten minutes ago. A few years ago, when I lived in Colorado, I had several hummingbird feeders set up on a balcony just outside my bedroom. I was such a fixture on that balcony that I was like part of the hummingbird family all summer long. I'd hold the feeder and the hummers would zip around, in and out, making that little whistling sound they make while in flight, and drink up the nectar that they craved. There were probably 30-40 distinct individual birds that were regulars at my balcony. I even had them all named, for cryin' out loud! When it comes to hummingbirds, did you know :

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  the hummingbird is the smallest bird and also the smallest of all animals that have a backbone.

  a hummingbird has no sense of smell

  because a hummingbird can rotate its wings in a circle, they are the only bird that can fly forwards, backwards, up, down ,sideways and  hover in mid air.

  to conserve energy while they sleep or when food is scarce, they can go into a hibernation-like state (torpor) where their metabolic rate is slowed to !/15th of its normal rate.

  during migration, some hummingbirds make a non-stop 500 mile flight over the Gulf of Mexico.

  during courtship dives a hummingbird can reach speeds up to 60 miles per hour and can average speeds of 20 to 30 miles per hour.

  hummingbirds are the second largest family of birds with 343 species.

  hummingbirds can beat their wings up to 80 times a second during normal flight and up to 200 times per second during a courtship dive.

  a hummingbird has a heart rate that can reach up to 1,260 beats per minute.

  percentage wise, the hummingbird has the largest brain of all birds (4.2% of its total body weight).

  hummingbirds have very weak feet and use them mainly just for perching.

Thanks to howtoenjoyhummingbirds.com for the facts listed above. My Blog Buddy Bob Zeller at TexasTweeties has some nice photos of some hummingbirds over at his place. Check it out. One of the reasons I wrote this post is to let you know about the 2010 Texas Hummingbird Festival in Rockport next week. There should be some outstanding hummingbird viewing down there as these tiny winged wonders make their way south to Mexico and beyond for the winter. You read that right. Hummingbirds migrate thousands of miles to and from their winter destination every year! I know I have some readers in Rockport, so you guys down there spread the word that the Texas Hummingbird Festival was mentioned on Three States Plus One! Obviously, since I live 2500 miles from Rockport, I won't be attending this cool event, but I won't miss out on the hummingbirds. I'll just close my eyes and sift through the memories of a first grade boy at the baby sitter's after school, hypnotized by the perpetual motion of these tiniest of birds and most voracious of feeders, and I'll be just fine. :)

 Hat tip : PW Miller on Facebook.

Another Day, Another Doctor

My Rheumatologist*

 

 

 

I will be posting late today. I have an appointment with a rheumatologist. I have been waiting about six weeks for this, so I am actually looking forward to it. Let me tell you that arthritis is a bitch. I don't know how advanced mine is, but it ain't much fun, and it seems to be getting more intense fairly quickly. I will be 54 years old next week, so, in my mind, I am way too young for this crap. But, I gotta play the hand I've been dealt and that's exactly what I plan to do. I ain't a quitter. I've still got plenty of fish to slay, a wonderful wife and two beautiful little girls to raise, so Arthur Effin Itis can kiss my ass. Check out some of the older posts on the blog as there's actually some pretty good stuff in the archives. I'll fill you in later today, so have a kick-ass Wednesday, y'all!

Adios,
Toby





*Photo from rofl.files.wordpress.com

Colorado Chronicles : Balloon Boy Family Moves to Florida!

It's been almost a year since we first heard about the "Balloon Boy" of Colorado. You remember the story - the kid's dumbass  Dad was trying to pitch a reality TV show and instead of a novel idea and good storyline to present to TV producers, this nimrod concocted a steaming pile of a story that involved his young son and a runaway hot air balloon in which the boy was supposedly a passenger! The dumbass Dad left out one itsy bitsy detail of the story - the boy was at home in the attic while God knows how many policemen and other law enforcement types were frantically trying to save this poor kid as he supposedly soared all over North Central Colorado in a runaway balloon at altitudes of up to 7000 feet!. Long story short, the dumbass Dad got busted and paid his debt to society and is now a registered felon. It seems the notoriety of being a dumbass Dad got to the guy, so he is packing up his family and moving to Florida! I am sure the good citizens of the Sunshine State are thrilled at the thought of having another famous dumbass move into their fine state. I' mean, hell, they've already had OJ Simpson (before he was convicted of some serious crime in Nevada, where hopefully he will a prison bitch to some Deliverance-looking redneck named Leon Bob). As you know, OJ spent many years scouring the ritzy golf course of South Florida looking for the "real killers". He was unsuccessful in his search because the stupid bastard never looked into a mirror. But, I digress. Now dumbass Dad will pursue other interests while dodging alligators and hanging chads in Florida. I wish Balloon Boy and the rest of his family well in their new home, but as for dumbass Dad, my advice is to stay away from the swamps and do not take your dog for a walk in gator-infested areas. Gators love the smell of Little FiFi. On second thought, a splash of eau de chihuahua might do you some good. Dumbass.

Maine Minutiae : Pittston Man in Deep Doo Doo

Content Warning! If you have a weak stomach DO NOT READ this story!
The guy in the photo is a criminal. Bank robber? Nope. Embezzler? Try again. This man, Gary Moody, is a convicted "toilet pit climber". I was intrigued by the term "toilet pit climber", so as a Professional Blogging Guy, it is my sworn at duty to get to the, er, uh, bottom of this. As you may have guessed by now Our Friend Gary likes to climb into the pits of outhouses! Gary is a Doo Doo Diver!. But!, you say, maybe Gary was plastered one time and did something extremely stupid - and disgusting. I wish that I could report to you that this is the case, but NO! Gary Moody is a Serial Doo Doo Diver! Recently Ol' Gare was spotted by a nine year old boy after a successful session of doo doo diving, Gary's second known outhouse pit diving expedition. In 2005, Moody pleaded no contest to trespassing for the same offense. Since Gary's crime is not quite as common as, say, car theft, he was the first guy the cops went to for answers regarding this incident. The Portland Press Herald notes that special agent with the US Forest Service, William Fors recalled the case from 2005 and told the paper, "Based on the extremely rare nature of this type of activity, the fact that Gary Moody had a previous conviction for the same activity and the fact that Moody had a last known address in the Gardiner, Maine, area, I decided to locate and interview Moody,'' Good ol' Gary was convicted and sentenced to 30 days, a $1000 fine and $700 restitution to the Forest Service for the cost of pumping out the toilet pit. It seems to me that Gary could have saved himself seven big ones if he'd just asked for a shovel and emptied the pit on his own. Not only could he have saved the cash for himself, he could have done the very thing he loves doing! What more could a criminal ask for? I'm sure that this will be a subject of interest at Gary's kid's next "What Does Your Daddy Do for a Living? Day" at school. Does Gary dare take a Port-O-Potty to the school to demonstrate what Doo Doo Diving is all about? Does he say "doo doo" in front of a class of second graders? Instead of "Doo Doo Diver", should Gary use the term "Feces Farmer" instead? What's a Daddy Doo Doo Diver to do? Here's my bit of wisdom for Mr. Moody : Flush the whole idea.

Texas Tidbits : Award Winning State Fair of Texas Food!

Big Tex*

In seventeen short days, the first of over three million Texans and visitors from around the world will open the 2010 State Fair of Texas at the historic Fair Grounds in Dallas. The State Fair of Texas is, of course, the largest of the State Fairs in the US. Just like any other big time fair, the State Fair of Texas has all the usual attractions that fair goers have come to expect - roller coasters, the Zipper, the Texas Star Ferris Wheel (the biggest in the world, of course) and THE college football game of the year at the Cotton Bowl - those fine, outstanding young citizen scholar-athletes from the University of Texas and those dirty old rotten egg-suckin' dawgs from the University of Texas at Norman, or as it's properly known, Oklahoma University. Other than the Big game (Hook 'em Horns!), one of the main attractions of the State Fair is the food - fried food specifically. Wikipedia informs us "The fair has been known for years for Fletcher's brand corny dogs. Recent years have seen the introduction of new unusual deep-fried items, including deep-fried Oreo cookies; deep-fried Twinkies; deep-fried pork ribs; fried cheesecake; deep-fried butter; deep-fried peanut butter, jelly, and banana sandwiches; and most recently a batter-based fried Coke. New foods in 2008 included chicken fried bacon and fried banana splits. The State Fair of Texas chose "Ignite Your Senses!" as the 2008 theme" This year's big winners are fried beer and Texas Deep Fried Frito Pie . I am all over both of those! This type of Texas Fine Dining is the stuff that makes me proud to be from The Sacred Soil. This year's State Fair of Texas opens on September 24 and runs through October 17, so you've got plenty of time to make plans to attend. The fried beer is waiting for you, but remember : No eating and driving!

*Photo from fanpop.com
Hat tip to Kim Henning on Facebook

Labor Day, 2010 - Here's One for the Workin' Man

Labor Day. The first Monday in September since 1894 and always the Monday following the Saturday that is International Bacon Day. The Unofficial end of summer. A day to visit with friends and family for burgers, hot dogs and all the fixin's, maybe a beer or two and a baseball game on TV. Labor Day - a day to salute the working people of this country. And that's what I'll do today - as best I can. See that forest green big rig in the photo? My Dad drove for that company for over 37 years and 4,000,000 miles before they closed the doors. Guys like my Dad are what Labor Day is all about. Men who endure endless miles of  "white line fever" and the incessant droning of 18 wheels on the pavement, being away from their families for days at a time, getting a 3AM phone call saying "Jim Bob called in sick, Shoe (my Dad's Nickname), can you haul a San Angelo this mornin'?" and then draggin' his wore out ass out of a peaceful sleep in his own bed to do it all again - for his family. Or guys like my long-time friend, Clay Money who's an insurance agent in Midlothian, Texas. I am sure that when he gets called to a claim site in pouring rain in the middle of the night, he doesn't jump out of bed singing "Oh what a beautiful mooooorrrrrning....". But, he does it and does it with pride because it's name that's on that insurance agency and he wants his clients to know that he is there for them, willing to go to extraordinary lengths to make sure that they and their family are taken care of in a time of uncertainty. Clay is what Labor Day is all about . In this 21st Century, women are bustin' ass as hard as the men to provide for their families. I can two of them off the top of my head - Kim Milam and Linda Miller. These ladies work in Interior Design and Photography, respectively. I don't think I'm going too far out on a limb to say that, these women run into a "picky" client from time to time. Yet, they handle such situations with grace and dignity. That ain't easy. Kim and Linda are what Labor Day is all about. I could name any one of my Facebook friends and say the same thing about him/her. Think about it for a minute. What would it be like to not have folks like this around when we need them? No truckers? No food on the shelf in your local grocery. No insurance guy? Nowhere to stay and no way to repair your storm-damaged house, unless you have a big bank account. Tons of folks need, nay, require, the services of  Kim and Linda - people like me, who couldn't photograph nor interior design his way out of a wet paper bag. Kim and Linda are what Labor Day is all about. The four people in this piece I have used as examples for what Labor Day is all about, are a microcosm of what this great country is made up of - men and women whose pride in their work and dedication to the exceptionalism that is a cornerstone of what the United States is, are what Labor Day is all about. Thank you Dad, Clay, Kim, Linda and the millions of our fellow Americans who are the high-test fuel that powers the economic engine of the United States of America. God bless you all and may God continue to bless America.. Happy Labor Day!